When Curiosity Strikes

We know that being alone and being lonely are two different things… but how do we actually feel at peace with ourselves?

I knew that living alone would be a huge stepping stone in becoming an adult. What I did not anticipate was the fear of feeling lonely. I have lived alone for about 2 years now and I would say that I have reached a state of contentment with myself. I can cook dinner (kinda) whenever I please, go to bed when I choose, and binge 8 episodes of Real Housewives without judgment.

There was a point where this feeling of being lonely affected who I was and who I wanted to be and sometimes I even second guessed myself by saying “I feel like I have out grown San Diego.” How could I possibly outgrow the most beautiful city? I haven’t outgrown it. I have outgrown who I was.

This change occurred when I became aware that a change needed to be made. The only person that could make this change was me and I was scared. I know that I have the potential to be whoever I want to be however, my actions didn’t align with my goals. So I grew. I grew by putting myself in situations that would allow me to learn about what I liked, who I wanted to surround myself with, who I want to be and that allowed me to evolve as a person. But how did I do this?

I held up a mirror. If I didn’t like what I saw, then I changed it. Friends, romantic partners, hobbies, and careers can all act as mirrors. I mean, c’mon… you’ve heard the saying, “we are a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with.” And I think there is truth to that. The people we allow into our lives leave pieces of themselves with us. We carry their happy moments, their lessons, their laughter, and sometimes even the weight of their grief. In the same way, we leave pieces of ourselves behind with them. We become a collection of every experience and connection that has shaped us. Piece by piece.

So how do we find peace within ourselves? Peace occurs when we acknowledge and accept all pieces of who we are. This takes time. Patience. Love. and Reflection. It’s intimidating at first. But it will all come together, piece by piece.